Communication between parents and children is not easy and very responsible at the same time. It depends on us whether the child will listen to us or will it rebel. Of course, the character and disposition of the child is also important, but if we know how to talk, communication with even the most energetic child will be a solid foundation in building parent-children relations. Many experts on the subject have already written about the proper, smart communication between parents and children. I think that all parents should know a book by Faber Adele and Mazlish Elaine. How to talk so children listen to us, How to listen to children so they are talking to us - thanks to the book, many parents were well prepared to bring up children, and even changed the previously developed model of education. We have collected the 10 most important principles worth learning when communicating with your child.
Active listening is the basis of good communication with the child
We should start communication with the child from skillful, active listening. Contrary to appearances, it is not so easy! When we are tired after work, and we still have to do shopping, cooking, cleaning and finishing the report, we may simply be short of strength. There is no golden prescription for that - we simply should always find time to talk to our children.
When a child tells us about his experiences, we get to know his problems, the world-view he is developing, and see what problems he cannot handle. It will be much easier for us to understand the problems of the child and to remedy them if we do not overlook any details. During the conversation you should also give the child to understand that we listen carefully to its story and that it is the most important thing right now. It is worth nodding, asking, but not interrupting the child's started story. Often, our child can be troubled by something, although it will not know what is the cause.
So if our daughter tells her that her friend is malicious, and other girls prefer to play with her and not with her daughter, we can ask if she feels bad about it. Perhaps she is not aware of this or is ashamed to admit, and with full understanding, we will support her. We do not always have to give golden advice - it is often enough to show that we understand the child's problems and that they are very important to us.
In good communication there is no place for orders and accusations
Raising a child cannot be based only on conversation. We must (of course, gradually) teach our children responsibilities and independence. We do not blame the child, but indicate errors and give tips on how the error can be corrected. If the child does not do something that it should, for example did not put a dirty cup in the sink:
- we should not say, "You did not put the mug in the sink again!" or "Why did not you put the mug back in the sink again ?!"
- we should say "The mug stands on the counter, and should stand in the sink" or "The cup does not stand in the sink".
If we want the child not to do something, for example, do not run towards the street:
- we should avoid the phrases "Do not run towards the street!" or "Do not go to the street!"
- we should divert attention and say "Could you come to me for a moment?" or "See if the swing in the playground is free".
Let us also remember that the child must not be ordered - orders will meet with rebellion, and consequently, the child to whom orders are issued will be undervalued or aggressive.
10 rules of communication between parents and child
In summary, the basic, most important principles of communication with a child can be written down in 10 points:
1. Actively listen to the child.
2. Let's show that the child's problems are just as important to you as for him.
3. Help the child understand the emotions that govern him.
4. Let us be an active interlocutor, let's listen, but also tell.
5. Do not be wise, do not give golden advice if your child only wants to complain.
6. Do not blame the child but learn to draw conclusions.
7. Let us not punish the child, but teach responsibility, indicating consistency.
8. Let us show the child solutions - how to fix mistakes and more. We teach responsibility.
9. Let us not order, but let us ask or forward the request, weaving it into conversation.
10. Let us not exalt ourselves, we treat the child as an equal to the interlocutor. Do not try to be smart.
These rules are also worth using in communication with adults - it is hard to believe how much they facilitate interpersonal relationships in everyday life.